A couple of years ago, I attended an event at my yoga center. It was a talk given by a venerated Tibetan monk, whose smile made us all felt like we were being hugged. During the Q & A, a women raised her hand and said, "My husband tells me I am never going to achieve enlightenment, but I think I can. What do you think?" This question has amused and haunted me since.
My initial response regarded that rake husband of hers. I thought, "Lose that zero and get yourself a hero!" But honestly that was my second or third response. My first was more like, "How ballsy! You think you are going to achieve enlightenment? You? In your yoga pants, driving your Toyota, paying your bills, fixing your hair in the mirror, caring immensely about what others think, YOU think you are going to get there?" (Insert photo of me here, by the way.) I was surprised at how quickly I found myself secretly scoffing at her aspirations. And a part of me was embarrassed for her willingness to ask such a question. "Why is she looking outside of herself for such an answer? What guru or master or monk can know anything more than what we know of ourselves?" Sigh.
It's been more than two years since I watched my thoughts churn that day. And I have changed a lot. Now, it is easier for me to think, "Who else if not her?" Indeed, "Who else if not me?" Didn't the Buddha tell us, "I wouldn't teach you of this, if you could not achieve it."
This very morning at yoga, our instructor had us do some tapping and energy work. We tapped all of our chakras for quite a long time. But after just a moment of tapping my heart chakra, I felt an openness in my heart. My heart needed no more tapping. Clear light was coming from and through my heart chakra. it was pouring out of me, into my open palms, spilling out into the room. i experienced such pure openness and such a sacred quiet. And a power too. i knew in that moment that I could share this with everyone I touched. That i owned this. I thought, "Holy crap - I think I just achieved enlightenment!" And, my human mind - also known as my problem maker - jumped in and went to work with this new information, reconciling, planning, extrapolating and organizing - and asking questions. How long will this last? What will happen if it goes away? Is this real?
Somewhere between my overflowing heart and my problem-seeking mind, I exist. I have a new idea: maybe enlightenment isn't an end product, but a moment. Maybe it occurs only right here and right now and does not reference time whatsoever. Maybe, it is a simple answer like the one the venerated monk with the beautiful smile gave the woman at my yoga studio years ago, "Yes. Yes, you can achieve enlightenment."