I give myself the magnificent gift of time to spend connecting deeply with people; old friends, new friends and strangers. In my travels this week, I was struck by the different and wonderful ways in which individuals express themselves. And how often, when given the time to share, these beloveds choose to tell the stories of how they have been hurt, or of their disappointments, or even in recounting the minutiae of doctor’s appointments, test results and bewildered sadness about the frailty of these bodies that house us.
I listen to their pain stories and I see their pain and their wish for things to be different. And I also ask myself why they choose to use their precious moments recounting the ills that are besieging them. I know they do it because these pain stories are where they live and that they make up their reality.
What if there were a way to live free from that attention to pain? What if we could live in the uncluttered space that I know exists around it and within it, before it and after it?
We are wise and intuitive beings. So why do we live so often from this suffering? I think we choose it because it is serving us deeply. It is supplying us with fuel and intention and purpose and…well, whatever we think we need.
Of course, these beloved people are my mirror and help me see how often I choose to live in this pain as well. With this insight, it was easy to see a pain story I have been living from for the last six months. That’s right: six months! I took some time to explore and write in my journal about what needs were being filled from this pain story. I realized it was offering me quite a lot: it provided drama, excitement, an opportunity to explore issues with my parents, a focal point when things got a little boring and more. It became clear to me that in order to move through my pain story I would need to not only stop dwelling on my pain story and to get these needs filled in other ways.
If you are drawn to explore this topic, I suggest the following:
Scan your life situation for something that causes suffering. Choose something small - maybe a situation with a coworker or conflict with a friend. Contemplate this situation and allow yourself to feel the suffering without judgement. Ask yourself where this suffering lives in your body and try to feel it. Try to see if this pain story is offering you something. Try to be objective as if you were looking at a box of sea shells and describing them. Try to stay open, you might be surprised at what you discover!