How are you navigating our new and ever-changing world? If you’re like me, you may be balancing moments of great clarity and ease with moments of great fear and anxiety. You might find that the waves of clenching tightness caused by fear are offset by waves of tremendous openness, spaciousness and possibility. You may realize, often and with a start, that you feel content.
I generally feel grounded, yet tendrils of fear and worry creep and gather nearby at times. I do my best to discern what is a valid concern vs. what I am manufacturing out of fear of the unknown. I do my best to stay away from the narrative and stay in the feeling of the moment; to walk on the razor's edge of now. It is a beautiful and worthy practice. And, during these particular days, it feels alternately dizzyingly freeing and dizziyngly terrifying - sometimes both at the same time. I think often of Eckhart Tolle's question: "What problem do you have right now?"
For the first few days of The Hush, my husband James and I found ourselves gently circling each other and gathering often in our living room, finding things to do together, often sitting in companionable silence. As the days go on, we are expanding our worlds and creating our own special places. James is embracing his love of puzzles and movies and podcasts. I am creating places to nest and be deeply quiet, to write and to dream. I love these days for the possibility and energy and movement they offer, for the conception and completion of projects, and for the sunshine. I love the evenings best, though. I spend them watching the sun set and feeling the darkness slowly blanket our world. I’m enjoying deep quiet and am surprised to find I need less companionship than I thought I did. I am learning how little of anything I need, in general.
In this new world, I'm still my usual 'kindly narcissist' self. I continue to share my Presence with the individuals and groups I love, now via Zoom and walks outdoors. I miss my church family and I miss attending my UU church. Aside from this loss and the occasional burst of fear and anxiety, I love the new soft-blanket pace. I love being released from the constant call to get things done, that has had its way with me for decades - long after I thought I’d let it go. I love the feeling of what I had believed to be solid ground shifting beneath me, creating a new reality. I love watching myself scramble to adjust to that new reality and then laughing at my hubris, because once I've adjusted, it has shifted again! It would be very easy to Bring Busy Back by over-scheduling Zoom meetings and creating too many projects, but the air is sweet and time is moving at its own glorious pace, so we move with it.
I am taking such good care of myself. I am eating well and getting plenty of rest and I remain disengaged from the trumpet call of the media. When I am met with clenching fear in myself or in the folks I meet, I offer a reminder of what is Real, what is happening right now and what of beauty might be found even in our limited line of vision. My daily meditation practice and chi gong practice sustain me and keep me grounded. I am following my own common sense and reason about safety and precaution. It is unsafe and unhealthy for me, emotionally and physically, to stay inside. The dogs and I are out for walks everyday where we can say hello and smile at passersby from a distance. I try to walk with a willing friend daily; although there is physical distance between us, being in the company of my beloveds feeds my soul. At the end of these days, following a more natural, comfortable pace, I feel deeply satisfied and deeply tired.
What are your moments like? How are you managing? What skills and strategies and practices are serving you today?